The past several years have presented some unique challenges for tweens and teens: the pandemic, school violence, racial injustice, political unrest, and more. And, as much as we’d like to say this is all in the past, these kids are just starting to process and deal with the trauma and stressors they’ve experienced. Even though kids are going through the same developmental phases as they always have, these extenuating circumstances have heightened and affected their ability to socialize, mental health, and capacity to learn. 

We spoke with school-based counselor, therapist, and best-selling author, Phyllis L. Fagell, LCPC, about this complex time in kids' lives and how educators can help them navigate these ongoing dynamics. Phyllis’ latest book, Middle School Superpowers, will be available in August 2023 and in it she shares an evidence-based and compassionate guide for parents and educators to help tweens through most challenging situations. Her first book, Middle School Matters, shares the 10 key skills that kids need to thrive.

Educators must take care of themselves first

Our educators are burned out. They are short-staffed, dealing with ongoing behavioral challenges, and mitigating crises every day. All while continuing to teach and ensure kids get the best education possible.

It is very hard to support others when you aren’t supporting yourself. And, as Phyllis explained, this doesn’t mean taking yoga classes and going to the spa (although those are nice, too!). For adults, the most effective way to take care of yourself is to have meaningful, substantive conversations with someone you care about at least once per week. When you take time to connect—whether informally with a friend or more formally with an organized group—it helps you feel supported and healthier mentally.

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Activating kids superpowers

Our culture portrays tweens and teens as “mean” or “drama seeking.” But let us not forget, they bring so many innate strengths to the table. They are passionate, funny, and kind. If we can activate their superpowers at an age when they’re still impressionable and malleable, they’ll not only be equipped to cope with the inevitable bumps and bruises that characterize the middle school phase, but also lead more balanced, purposeful lives. 

In a post-pandemic world, tweens and teens need a whole new set of skills. Phyllis shared that there are 12 superpowers teens and tweens need and talked in-depth about two of them. 

First, she talked about “super healing” which is more of a preventative superpower to teach kids how to self regulate and build a coping toolbox that they can tap into when they are stressed or feeling off and empower them to do something about it.

Second, Phyllis shared more about “super vulnerability” which is more of a reactive superpower that can help kids who are already dealing with some challenges like increased behavioral issues, disordered eating, etc. We must teach these kids how to ask for help, who to ask for help from, and when to ask for this help. 

As educators, we can self-identify ourselves as a helper to our students even if we don’t have the exact skill sets a student needs. Let them know that you are there for them and can help them to get the support they need. It’s also important to educate your students on understanding regular ups and downs vs. the inability to function or manage their daily life.

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It takes a village

This work can’t be left to a counselor or to a single social-emotional lesson. The entire school staff needs to be allies in integrating these concepts into the classroom. When kids feel emotionally comfortable, they will be in the right headspace to learn. 

Phyllis shared that if there’s an issue that keeps coming up, or you’re dealing with a biting culture in the classroom, it’s important to facilitate a conversation about it. If you can, try to get kids who have social capital involved in leading that conversation, because the research shows the kids who have the social capital are going to drive that behavior and can help solve it.

When she does this exercise, she splits kids into small groups and has them talk about the problem. Often there’s a bunch of kids who are upset about something, but they don’t really know what to say or how to handle it. So, they do nothing. But during these small conversations, they can talk about the issue, potential solutions, what they need, and their expectations.

Next, she has them write all of their ideas on sticky notes and puts them up on the classroom walls, without knowing who wrote what. The kids then walk around and choose their favorite potential solution and share it with the class. It’s a way to strip away the social risk of saying what they personally need.

If a teacher isn’t comfortable leading an exercise like this in class, that’s OK. But, they can pay attention to student dynamics and share with the school counselor their observations and/or concerns.

We are all in this together. If we can organically incorporate these skill building exercises into regular coursework, it will help to create connections, more supportive environments, and happier and healthier kids.

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